Solo Sex as Self-Care Practice or: I heal myself with my own pleasure

Artwork "Blue Clitoris" by Alex Jürgen (A) - Onyx Dildo by Chakrubs
Artwork "Blue Clitoris" by Alex Jürgen (A) - Onyx Dildo by Chakrubs

I planned on writing more about sex from the perspective of a plus-size femme. And today I thought, why not start in the "old" year? Why wait? Living in the moment is one of my mantras.

And yet, I realised in the days after christmas, that uncertainty is still one of my triggers. I create drama around it, analize everything, work on and plan out my life.  But that´s not how it works. Life is uncertain.

When you are triggered or in need of Self-Care there are many options to come back to yourself, get grounded, feel your feelings, release tension, anxiety, stress and tension. 


On the top of my list: solo-sex. I had the luck to was raised openly about sex and masturbation. For as long as I remember I had the privacy to masturbate, even as a child.

Grown up solo-sex as a self-care practice comes in many colours:


I masturbate to celebrate.

I masturbate to calm down.

I masturbate to fall asleep.

I masturbate to come home to myself.

I masturbate when I feel sad.

I masturbate when I feel lonely.

I masturbate to appreciate my body.

I masturbate when I am stressed out.

I masturbate when I am sick in bed, with the flu for example.

I masturbate when I feel depressed.

I masturbate to feel pleasure.

I masturbate for fun.

I masturbate when I have menstrual cramps.

I masturbate to learn something new about myself.

I masturbate to heal myself with my own pleasure.

It might be interesting to some of you what actually happens to the body during masturbation:

First: the brain is on fire. The prefrontal cortex - where your  creativity lies - is heavily active, as well as the frontal cortex (known for abstract thinking) if you phantasize, the amygdala that provides intense emotions, and a heavy load of oxytocin and dopamin and many more parts of the brain are  activated.

Oxytocin and dopamin are part of the happiness-hormon-cocktail your body produces. Oxytocin helps you connect and bond, feel love. Dopamin is a pleasure hormon that we need to do anything in life really and there are many ways to activate it, sex is one of them.

People who suffer from depression have low dopamin levels. Self-touch and masturbation can be helpful to deal with depression. When I suffered from burn-out and depression I continued to touch myself, at some point pleasure and arousal came back.

Secondly you are also strengething your body: your pelvic floor and muscles, your bladder, your pain tolerance rises, it helps with cramps (but might make the bleeding heavier due to contractions during orgasm though), prevents infections, and is supposed to boost the immune system, releases physical tension.


So, this is what happens to the body. For me masturbation is like meditation and breath work and body work a mindfulness technique with myself.

Masturbation brings me back to my body and my power.  My pleasure that is just for me, where so much of my creativity, hunger for life and joy lay.

And it´s - as said before - on the top of my Self-Care and Self-Love practice? Why? Because it makes me realise that I hold all my power, that I am the creator of pleasure and pain in my life, that I am my first partner, that I don´t need anyone to complete or fix me.

Masturbation is also a tool to appreciate my fat body as it is. When I am all in tune with my body and my pleasure I am not thinking about my figure, my weight, my dimples, my hair or any other self-hate I might carry.


The last two days were hard. I held space for all my emotions, the silence, took deep breaths. So I did many Self-Care things that help me come back to my body. And ultimately I masturbated. For christmas I got a lovely black onyx dildo - a lovely item from Chakrubs Shadow Collection.

I had space, time, privacy, music, my favorite lube and my new dildo and it felt powerful to have it all in my own hands, so to speak. This is where my safe haven is: my body. The body that holds so much pleasure for me. The body that carries me through the world to experience all the human experiences. 

I use crystals both in my personal like as well in my body work and I am amazed by this dildo. (By the way: this is unpaid advertisement, I really enjoy this product!) Onyxes support in releasing trauma, negativity, past pain, stress and strengthen intuition, protection, focus and balance. So this was doubly perfect today. It was a wonderful mixture of slowness and intensity and when I orgasmed I had the feeling a heavy weight was lifted from me.

Welcome home, you! I am all grounded and calm now.


What´s your favorite way to come home to your body?

Is masturbation part of your self-care routine too?


Write me a message and share your story or post a comment below.

Kommentar schreiben

Kommentare: 1
  • #1

    Linda (Freitag, 28 Dezember 2018 21:22)

    Hey, big sister, Danke für den wunderbaren Text, wie schön dass du so frei darüber schreiben kannst! Ich habe das lange Jahre vernachlässigt, es aber neuerdings wieder entdeckt :-) ja, es hat was mit Self care und auch Selbstachtung zu tun. Weil ich meinen Körper achte und Ehre, jetzt mehr denn je, entdecke ich mich, meine Empfindungen, Reaktionen, meine Lust neu. Und bin jedes Mal gestärkt und genährt