Fuck how to be "a better version of yourself" or: why I choose authenticity and empowerment over self-improvement

Photo of Sara M. Ablinger by He Shao Hui - Life.
Photo of Sara M. Ablinger by He Shao Hui - Life.

As the end of the year approaches, you find articles and memes on how to be "a better version of yourself", on how to change yourself once and for all, how to set up your mind and stop all the excuses. You´ll find top 10 lists on how to stop procrastinating and implement those New Year´s Resolutions.

And I want to tell you something: fuck that! 


I strongly believe that there are two reasons for not creating or implementing something in your life:

Either you are sabotaging yourself (this can have many reasons and there also many ways to create a more positive life) or: you don´t want to. Only you can find out, which one it is for you.


I do not think you have to get better at anything - being authentically you is more than enough.


I deeply think and moreso feel that a life based on authenticity, vulnerability and honesty is the way to go for your soul, heart, body and mind to thrive and grow.  It´s  the key to true connection (with self and others) and belonging.


On being honest with yourself:

Being honest with yourself is something you have to cultivate on your own. It is a state and a practice of self-awareness: being aware of what you are thinking, feeling and doing.  Self-awareness also means being honest about the mess you carry inside yourself. Not just your dreams, passions, talents and all the wonderful things of what is burning inside you. Being honest is also about this big messy pile of not feeling enough, of loneliness, confusion, sadness, shame, disappointment, anger, self-doubt, manipulation, mistrust, envy, even hate.

Self-awareness goes hand in hand with self-acceptance and also means acknowledging the power & strength within and realising all the ways where we dimm our light, belittle ourselves, use others. And this is where the saboteur comes in: often we are sabotaging our life because our power could be too powerful, to overpowering, too much. We might not need anyone anymore or other might not need us anymore. And that´s horribly scary. So, why not stay small and stay where you are - you know the dysfunctionla dynamics in your life. You know how to handle them.  Self-awareness and honesty with yourself weakens the saboteur within. It might take some time, but at some point you watch yourself going in circles for the hundreth time and you just stop.


On vulnerability, self-responsibility, accountability:

After being honest with ourselves, we get out into the world and ... most of us try to do their best and be respectful, supportive, loving. Some might hide away their powerful & strong self, others the messy pile inside - both is not authentic.

But then we are human and we make mistakes, we hurt others, we hurt ourselves - out of accident or due to being inauthentic. Being authentic with others - sharing who and how we are - makes us vulnerable to getting hurt or rejected and again: this is scary. For many this is where they draw the line and think they protect themselves from hurt. But what we do: we actually hurt ourselves over and over again. We sabotage connection.

Instead we tell ourselves our old stories of being unwanted, misunderstood, isolated, unloved. This is the position where people wait for the perfect friends or the perfect lovers to come along and find them, maybe even heal the messy pile inside.

That´s where self-responsibility and accountability comes in: when you are self-aware you might already know why you are not authentic with others and sabotage connection. But your why will not heal it. You have to hold yourself accountable as a grown-up for how you interact with people, where you give away your power and make yourself small. Be accountable for when you fuck up with others. Listen. Speak from the heart. Be vulnerable, share from your messy pile. What really changes how we connect with others is understanding that we all have this messy pile inside, that we all feel inadequate, insecure - this is what connects us all. It´s not just you that´s such a mess. We all are. You are not that unique weirdo. We have more in common, than what separates us (even with those who have different world views than you!).

When you are you, when you are all of who you are, you can really connect - and it will be honest. Even a rejection feels different if it is authentic and respectful - there is no betrayal, no lies, but respect and mindfulness.

Of course you cannot be authentic with everybody, it might be unhealthy and self-endangering with some people to open yourself up. You will learn which people are respectful and mindful with your authentical and vulnerable self. When you practice self-awareness you will be more in tune with yourself and so also with your boundaries. You will see where people are mistreating, disrespecting you or crossing your boundaries. You will ultimately sharpen your radar and intuition for other people too.

Licencefree photo from Pexels
Licencefree photo from Pexels

On be-longing and being your authentic self:


I do think that being authentically oneself, makes us strong and able to create a life that correlates with who we are and how we want to live.


Being and living authentically will give you a sense of belonging.

Belonging is a feeling inside yourself, feeling grounded and knowing that you have a right to be here on this earth, as much as anyone else.

Belonging is a sense of being connected with the earth and all beings.

Belonging is knowledge of how you want to create your life.

Authentical living and belonging will give you a sense of purpose.

Authentical living will bring you in your power.

Belonging with others is being authentically connected with others.

Belonging is trusting your intuition.

Belonging is trusting your body.

Belonging is understanding the circles of life, earth and time.


So, you don´t need to change a thing. Paint your life in all the colours with all the crayons in your box, even the broken ones.

Restriction will not help you in drawing more freely, painting with all of your colours from your messy pile will.

“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”

Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

Write a comment

Comments: 0

Informationspflicht lt. § 5 Abs. 1 E-Commerce Gesetz (deutsch):



Mag.a Sara Ablinger
Rechtsform Einzelunternehmen
Firmensitz A-1180 Wien, Eckpergasse 43/14
Telefon: +43 699 11169854
E-Mail: contact@big-body-love.com

Websites: www.lebensspiralen.com & www.big-body-love.com

Gewerbe Persönliche Dienstleistung


IBAN AT20 6000 0000 7466 2728





Verknüpfungen zu externen Websites werden als Service zur Verfügung gestellt. Diese Websites sind unabhängig und liegen außerhalb unserer Kontrolle, weshalb wir keine Verantwortung für die Inhalte von externen Websites übernehmen.



Die durch die SeitenbetreiberIn erstellten Inhalte und Werke auf diesen Seiten unterliegen dem österreichischen Urheberrecht. Die Vervielfältigung, Bearbeitung, Verbreitung und jede Art der Verwertung außerhalb der Grenzen des Urheberrechtes bedürfen der schriftlichen Zustimmung des jeweiligen Autors bzw. Erstellers. Downloads und Kopien dieser Seite sind nur für den privaten, nicht kommerziellen Gebrauch gestattet. Soweit die Inhalte auf dieser Seite nicht vom Betreiber erstellt wurden, werden die Urheberrechte Dritter beachtet. Insbesondere werden Inhalte Dritter als solche gekennzeichnet. Sollten Sie trotzdem auf eine Urheberrechtsverletzung aufmerksam werden, bitten wir um einen entsprechenden Hinweis. Bei Bekanntwerden von Rechtsverletzungen werden wir derartige Inhalte umgehend entfernen.




Die Nutzung unserer Webseite ist in der Regel ohne Angabe personenbezogener Daten möglich. Soweit auf unseren Seiten personenbezogene Daten (beispielsweise Name, Anschrift oder eMail-Adressen) erhoben werden, erfolgt dies, soweit möglich, stets auf freiwilliger Basis. Diese Daten werden ohne Ihre ausdrückliche Zustimmung nicht an Dritte weitergegeben. Wir weisen darauf hin, dass die Datenübertragung im Internet (z.B. bei der Kommunikation per E-Mail) Sicherheitslücken aufweisen kann. Ein lückenloser Schutz der Daten vor dem Zugriff durch Dritte ist nicht möglich. Der Nutzung von im Rahmen der Impressumspflicht veröffentlichten Kontaktdaten durch Dritte zur Übersendung von nicht ausdrücklich angeforderter Werbung und Informationsmaterialien wird hiermit ausdrücklich widersprochen. Die Betreiber der Seiten behalten sich ausdrücklich rechtliche Schritte im Falle der unverlangten Zusendung von Werbeinformationen, etwa durch Spam-Mails, vor.